I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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