thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
