it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize