He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
