Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
