I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
