dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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