Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
