I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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