Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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