I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize