You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
