"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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