haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
