I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize