Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
