We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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