the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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