you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
