her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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