that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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