Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
