His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
