Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
