I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
