Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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