only you would photoshop your dick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
