how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
