I'm really into asian looking animals
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
