Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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