Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
