1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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