I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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