She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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