We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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