Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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