Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He passed out mid-signature
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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