honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
