He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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