i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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