yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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