Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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