Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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