come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
