I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
