The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
