My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm always down for nudity.
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