I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
