i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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