I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize