My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
