How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
