I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
