I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
