he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
