my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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