I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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