Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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