I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
