Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
