I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
