Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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