even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
