It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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