Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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