apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
