...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
