he puts the penis in happiness.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
