i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
