I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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