So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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