wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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